Tag Archives: friends

More thoughts on feeding a toddler

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I have another urge to write something about what I’ve learnt about breastfeeding a toddler.

In a way I feel like I shouldn’t have to write this yet somehow it needs to be said.  I’m learning slowly how to communicate the way I feel in a positive way rather than being typically British and apologetic. I am now trying to ensure that I always say “R is breastfed” rather than the usual “R is still breastfed”. Don’t forget that the WHO recommend breastfeeding to two and beyond so I’m not some crazy boobmatyrhippy I’m just following World Health guidelines.

I’m lucky that both my mother and mother in law breastfed, although in a different day and age and with very different guidelines and advice. This means that straight off no one in my immediate family found  “natural term” breastfeeding odd or gave me a hard time about it. That’s another phrase-refusing to say “extended”breastfeeding any more to mean feeding past six months,  but to say “natural term” to reflect the nature of feeding a child until an extend nursing strike or self-initiated weaning.

It would be a lie to say that I don’t care what other people think or what they think of me. Obviously I care little about what strangers think of me as their opinion is irrelevant whilst it matters more what my friends and family think.  There is a huge disappointment when I hear phrases from friends and acquaintances like “I’m all for breastfeeding but. ..” which is the breastfeeding-in-public version of “I’m not a racist but”. Whatever is going to come after that “but” is almost certainly going to be misinformed, incorrect and offensive.

  I talk passionately about breastfeeding because I think it’s important that we change the way our society  views it. I’m not saying that everyone should breastfeed no matter what but just that we accept it as a normal part of every day public life.  This in turn will improve rates of breastfeeding as it becomes a more normalised and publically discussed activity. It will make it more accessible to more people, giving women the choice and the power back in the relationship rather than giving over to the misinformation rife when women are having a physical or emotional wobble about breastfeeding

So whilst I  “don’t care” what strangers think of me breastfeeding a toddler in public (probably not discreetly as he won’t stay still for 5 seconds), I do care about why people would find this entirely natural act offensive. I worry about the state of the country I live in where people think that feeding a baby from the breast is disgusting or wrong. I want to change the way people feel about it and the way they view it.

There are (to my honest knowledge) many people who think that women that breastfed past a certain age (usually a number picked out of the air) are “only doing it for themselves”. If you’ve ever watched a toddler breastfeed you’d have something else to say. With blocked ducts and mastitis,  nipple and skin pinching, Gymnastics, teeth etc it’s not really a relaxing cuddle with your small person. But then on the back of that, another huge swathe of people think that women who breastfeed to natural term are ridiculous martyrs who like to Lord over everyone else about how hard their lives are but who won’t help themselves to make life easier. By help themselves I mean employ tactics they are not comfortable with/ dont believe in that someone else thinks it will help them.

I promise you that the majority of us are neither of the above.  When you make a parenting decision, you often feel like the decision has been made for you and there was actually no choice at all.

There are very few circumstances under which a woman cannot breastfeed. This is not to undermine those who genuinely can’t , but they are in a very small minority. There was absolutely no decision to be made for me,  if I could, I would. I didn’t feel like this was a decision that I made and it certainly wasn’t in silo. It was about my whole outlook on the point of procreation- and it was just always going to be that way. Luckily once he worked it out, R felt the same and his complete bottle refusal showed me that he wanted to be breastfed. Even if for any reason I wanted to wean now, I wouldn’t have the first idea about how to go about it and R would be none too pleased about it all. It’s an even better reason to keep feeding him.

And this is what makes things hard. R is not a sleeper. And some breastfed babies are, some aren’t. Babies are made to wake every 90 minutes or so. Some can settle themselves back to sleep and some can’t. Sometimes this is beyond challenging. During my week of solo parenting R decided on the last night that he didn’t fancy going to sleep. I was exhausted having been up and out to buggy fit in the morning then out to a friends in the afternoon and it was day five of solo parenting. It took me two hours and two different beds to get him down. He woke after fifteen minutes. He then took another hour to settle again and that time slept for just thirty minutes. After about 2 1/2 hours I started to slowly crumble. This isn’t related to breastfeeding specifically but the style of more natural /attachment parenting that we have fallen into through our beliefs and Outlook.

Toddler refusingto sleep, Husband about to board a plane hundreds of miles away and all I felt was that I was trapped and unable to express honestly how I was feeling to anyone. When it feels (from comments made like “you spoil him” or “you need to put him in his own bed otherwise you’ll never get him out” etc) everyone seems to view you as a soft idiot who should be shutting the door on your screaming baby to try to”fix” him, it’s hard to find solidarity. Luckily someone posted about a similar problem on the Facebook breastfeeding group that I’m on and I felt able to share there and the lovely comments and support I received there was invaluable that night, another night feeling in a pit of despair.

What to say? Never assume you know how someone else is thinking or that you know what you’d do in their shoes. Women who have had around 4hrs sleep a night for a year plus don’t tend to handle thoughtless comments well. Don’t underestimate how far a nice comment can go when it’s needed.

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Baby shower!

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I’m not sure how I feel generally about the concept of a baby shower in the traditional (American) sense, however a friend of mine wanted to organise one for me. We decided together (with Mr Bumpy) that it would be more of a summer garden party- some kind of last hurrah before baby arrives.

Turns out, it was great fun! Over the course of the day about 40 people came in and out to celebrate baby D’s imminent arrival, to drink leftover champagne from Miss Rainstorms wedding (thank you!!), and eat cake!

Mr&Mrs

Cake

Three of us

Scaring me now

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Another blog post to be written from bed……the shame! But to be fair I have actually achieved some things this weekend so all can be forgiven… right?

Saturday we had a lazy start to the day, and watched some telly, skyped some relatives then cracked on with some housework. I think the downstairs now looks presentable to guests. Which is a good thing really as we decided a bit last minute to see if some friends that we hadn’t seen for ages were around (they were) so we invited them over to dinner. We’d already decided to blast some cobwebs away so walked up to sainsburys and back whilst mentally concocting an interesting vegetarian dinner and desert.

Had a lovely evening with friends eating olive bread dipped in cherry balsamic, roasted mediterranean veg with home made harissa paste, couscous and salad, topped off with a home made pear and almond cake (nice one husband).

Sunday we managed to clear up the carnage from saturday night’s cooking experiments, then Husband went for a run and I decided to join him on the bicycle. It was snowing.

When we got back I decided I had the energy to trim the front hedge, but I only managed half before wimping out as I was so cold.

Since then I have gone back to bed to watch a film, and browse the internet.

Today mumsnet has been scaring me with “houserules”- a chat thread in which people discuss the rules of their house. Obviously most of these women or people have children already so it’s understandable they have a few more rules than we do. Most people seem to count wearing shoes in the house a crime, letting pets into bedrooms an utter sin, and NOT EATING AT A TABLE AS A FAMILY the end of humanity. I let the cat have the best bit of the bed (usually about half our king size), wear shoes where I like (I’ll be vacuuming) unless they’re really muddy, and although we eat good home made food, we tend to eat it in front of the telly. Whoops. We’re heathens.

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Who could deny him the best bit of the bed?

What are a sensible list of houserules?

Feeling rubbish/ Going away

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I bravely went back to work this week. It was ok. Nothing better than that. But I did survive three whole days- Monday working at home to catch up with staff and emails, Tuesday in East Sussex visiting new staff and Wednesday in Crawley at a meeting. I survived, I wasn’t sick on any of the trains and I now have two days off.

Today has been lovely (seeing friends) and horrific (constantly retching all afternoon). My brain decided this morning that the bread was “off” so I didn’t eat breakfast. Instead I at a few custard creams and drank tea with friends which was utterly lovely (and got to cuddle a very handsome baby who shares my birthday). Weirdly my baby is due on aforementioned handsome baby’s cousin’s birthday!

This afternoon I am packing for a weekend away (how do people do this with just handluggage?! It is impossible!) and enjoying some reminiscing about old friends.

I am also craving fish fingers. Never mind putting them in a sandwich, I’m just gonna eat them.

Busy days

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It’s been a busy two days in the Bumpytimes household. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve had to be in bed until 1pm both Monday and Tuesday- remember it’s all relative.

Monday was the long awaited dr appt to sadly cave in and get some medication for my sickness. I dragged myself the the doctors, resisted from crying my way through the visit (this time) and was prescribed promethazine hydrochloride which is an antihistamine that’s also used to cure nausea and vomiting. I take one tablet in the evening. I’m sure it will kick in soon. Right?

Monday evening we had father-in-law staying over, so took the opportunity to use skype and contact mother-in-law and my sister-in-law to tell them the news. Everyone very excited and supportive, luckily sister-in-law was also pretty ill so very understanding. (not lucky for her obviously).

Tuesday we went for our sneaky cheeky early scan at a lovely place called Berkshire Independent Scanning. There’s definitely a tiny blob-baby in there with a fiercely strong heartbeat and it’s looking perfect size etc as epxected for 7 weeks. It was a bit of a mission for me to get there, but I made it- trains and all. The place was lovely- discreet, friendly and (sorry to steal this phrase from a friend) all using their “spa” voices! It was quick and painless (except extreme pressure on a bladder full of water) and just very super exciting for us both. In the evening my parents came over and we blew them away with the news! First grandchild-to-be for them 🙂

I knew that mum had been quite sick when she was pregnant with me, and again the upside of that is she totally understands exactly how I feel and has been there. She was actually hospitalised with severe HG at 7 weeks (where I am now) so I am lucky that I’ve managed to keep some nutrients and liquid down! It’s so important to have people who really understand around you, though I am suspecting my mother is or at least was actually superwoman as she refused medication. I managed to avoid medication for a whole 2 weeks!

It’s amazing how it feels to tell people and let a little weight off- with the sickness the pressure was gettingg too much. People were worried about me (rightly so) and we’re just trying to fight fire slightly.

I will say though- my friends and my husband are utterly amazing and I’m a lucky little puppy!

day7-Heart shaped leaf