Tag Archives: advice

Advice

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Small turned 2 a couple of weeks ago. I couldn’t think of anything interesting or poignant to post so I didn’t!

I know a few people having or due babies soon and was thinking about the most useful bit of advice I could give them and what it might be. There’s tonnes of great info about breastfeeding out there on the internet if you’re willing to look for it, so I’m not sure that there’s anything there I could say of much use. There’s also so much conflicting stuff about sleep and all those things and most would hardly peg me as an expert with our sleep situation. So I think my best advice would be:

For every one person that tells you something worked for them there are a) a hundred people who it didn’t work for and b)a hundred other things that person tried that didn’t work.

Why that?

The thing I found hardest when R was little was that everyone had a handy trick up their sleeve for getting a child to eat or sleep or whatever.

And it was always conveyed to us with such authority, that I often tried whatever the method was. Even some of the expensive ones.

And you know what? Nothing worked.

I now know and believe this isn’t because I’m a terrible rubbish parent. It is (that old chestnut) that every child is different.

Whilst trying to impart your wisdom on someone else, it’s hard not be emphatically excited that some magical method of convincing your child to sleep/eat/be independent/ nap in their cot etc really really worked for you. It’s also easy to overlook all those other things you tried and didn’t manage to make work for you (we won’t say “failed at”). It’s also easy to forget that your specific circumstances and your specific child is very different to the next one.

It’s easy to feel, in your new parent, sleep deprived, hormonal state that you are, in fact, the worlds’ worst and most incapable parent. If they managed to make the “Pick Up Put Down” method work for them, why couldn’t you make it work for you? If they managed to achieve a non-fussy eater by practicing baby-led weaning and introducing a new food every 72 hours, why weren’t you capable of doing the same? If leaving their child to scream led to them falling asleep in 30 minutes, why does your child just scream until he vomits over himself? And this can feel really isolating and lonely. If everyone else is having success and you’re not, then it can be really hard to swallow.

So in a way this is advice not only for new parents but for those “old hands” who are trying to help out newbie parents.

In reality that parent that got the “Pick Up Put Down” method to work probably tried a huge number of other techniques (90 Minute Sleep Programme, No Cry Sleep Solution, Pantly Pull off etc) with no success, but invariably they will forget to tell you that.

So if you’re a parent already and have friends having their first baby, think carefully about what you say to them. Be honest, show that you’re human and understand not everyone is the same and pay particular attention to trying to remember how you felt when everyone else seemed to be sailing through parenthood whilst you struggled. Kindness is the key gift we can give new parents at what is likely the most stressful time of their lives!

Buy buy baby

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With the imminent arrival of gorgeous niece and Aunty S tomorrow, we got our backsides in gear this morning and did our first actual proper shop of baby things. In fairness we did an Ocado order recently to pick up nappies, wipes, cream, forumla etc, but this was the first time we’ve been on a joint venture into Mothercare with a list of *things*. It was just the last few essentials (i.e what good is a cot without sheets and a blanket?!), but it does make everything feel more complete.

One of the clearest bits of advice I’ve been given is YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY MUSLINS. I’m sure if we start with 24….. we’ll be ok! We also picked up a second hand baby bath for £3 today!

The house is slowly being taken over with baby things. The baby room (for some reason I hate the word “nursery”) is looking much more finished with this adorable fleece blanket on sale in Mothercare:

Baby has also received it’s first proper pressie from the lovely A&E (as I call them):

And there’s other evidence spilled around the house….

The last picture is my exciting accidental purchase at a summer fayre I was attending. On my way out, I suddenly saw a fully pram “system” in great condition for £70. Bargain! Sadly the online reviews show a less-than sturdy frame, but fingers crossed we’ll be ok! It’s a Hauck Malibu for anyone interested.

Tonight I’m going to the final part of the exciting big wedding we’ve been attending. I’m absolutely dressing the bump to the nines, and it’s going to be absolutely OUT THERE. Should be fun!

Better go and start getting ready!

HAPPY 12 Weeks PREGNANT!

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Hurrah! By my dates, I’m about 12 weeks pregnant today!

I celebrated by waking up at 4:30am to be sick, realising I was starving, grabbing a banana and then going back to bed with a headache…..

Brilliant celebration.

I mean I could use the Baby Centre advice and listen to a new CD whilst deep conditioning my hair, but really that all seems a bit too much effort…..

Don’t blame it on sunshine!

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I would like to link to an utterly ridiculous article from July 2010 stating “Pregnant women ‘must take vitamin D supplements'”.

Here’s a thought- how about going outside into the gorgeous sunshine when it does come out? Like today?

Foxglove
(not from today)

/me goes out in the sun again!

Net Mums

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Net Mums (as I mentioned before) is a great source of knowledge and opinion but there are some things I find really really weird about it.

The first thing that I find weird is the incessant abbreviations. I understand that when typing conversation with strangers on the internet, that people want to make things easier for themselves. I also get that there’s a need for a special secret language to help the feeling of togetherness, but it feels so impersonal! Each current child is described as DC1 or DS (i,e Darling Child #1 or Darling Son) and husbands are described as DH (you see where this is going?) or DP.

The other thing is the fierce competitiveness. I suppose in some ways this isn’t a surprise, because women tend to be a bit erm…. scary in the face of proving that they work the hardest/work the longest/do the most around the house/at home/with children/ get up the earliest/have the most responsibility……

I read a thread last year which was about how often these women did things about the house. The one that terrified me was the woman who claimed that she changed her tea towels three times a day! THREE TIMES A DAY! What the holy hell was she doing with those tea towels? And no-one questioned it.

Bonkers.

Please don’t let me turn bonkers when I become a mummy…….