Monthly Archives: January 2013

Eeeeemotional

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Oooh I’m really working my way through the textbook symptoms!

Today I went to see the doctor (a different one to one I’ve seen before, and she’s about 6-7 months pregnant) who was super understanding and kind, and made me feel much less guilty about feeling so awful. As a way of repaying her kindness I cried my way through it and used up half her tissues!

I’m still feeling bad, but the doctor helped me understand that the sickness is bad enough on it’s own, but it’s exacerbated by tiredness and guilt. As I’m feeling terribly guilty about not being at work, and I’m trying my hardest not to tire myself out- the doctor telling me not to go to work and promising to get me signed off if I continue to be this sick has alleviated some of that extra pressure. And next week, if I still feel bad, we can always look at the possibility of drugs….

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Net Mums

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Net Mums (as I mentioned before) is a great source of knowledge and opinion but there are some things I find really really weird about it.

The first thing that I find weird is the incessant abbreviations. I understand that when typing conversation with strangers on the internet, that people want to make things easier for themselves. I also get that there’s a need for a special secret language to help the feeling of togetherness, but it feels so impersonal! Each current child is described as DC1 or DS (i,e Darling Child #1 or Darling Son) and husbands are described as DH (you see where this is going?) or DP.

The other thing is the fierce competitiveness. I suppose in some ways this isn’t a surprise, because women tend to be a bit erm…. scary in the face of proving that they work the hardest/work the longest/do the most around the house/at home/with children/ get up the earliest/have the most responsibility……

I read a thread last year which was about how often these women did things about the house. The one that terrified me was the woman who claimed that she changed her tea towels three times a day! THREE TIMES A DAY! What the holy hell was she doing with those tea towels? And no-one questioned it.

Bonkers.

Please don’t let me turn bonkers when I become a mummy…….

Less positive note

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This week has defeated me already, I’m sad to say.

Although I understand on a logical level that pregnancy (like any change to your body or health) affects people differently, however it’s hard not to feel weak, wimpy and pathetic when the symptoms seem to be affecting you in a way that you can’t bare whilst others are up, working, looking after children and probably being cheerful too.

I’ve ended up having to take some time off work with the sickness as I’ve been heavily nauseous from getting up time to the moment I fall asleep, and yesterday I started vomiting too. I’ve tried most of the recommended “treatments”- from ginger ale to dry crackers, to eating small snacks frequently rather than large meals. I’ve tried only eating exactly what I feel like (whether that’s a snicker bar, 4 apples or macaroni cheese), I’ve tried eating plain, high carb low fat snacks. I’ve tried eating first thing before getting up in the morning. I’ve tried being busy to as to distract myself, I’ve tried sipping fizzy drinks, I’ve tried only eating food luke-warm rather than hot. Nothing is working. Or if it does- it’s very short lived- a maximum of ten minutes of respite of feeling relatively normal.

So tomorrow I’ve got a Dr appointment to see if there’s anything they can do to help. I guess an option is anti-emetics but a)I don’t want to put any drugs into my body if I don’t have to and b)I’ve heard that they aren’t so brilliant anyway. I’ve also ordered some travel sickness bands which some people have said help and hopefully they will arrive tomorrow.


In short, I’m feeling utterly rubbish and very pathetic about it. Luckily the internet-fountain-of-all-knowledge-that-is-Mumsnet has come to the rescue with lots of opportunities to discuss symptoms with others in the same position as me. Sounds like there’s a few others out there feeling as crappy as me, without the medical confirmation of something more serious like hyperemesis gravidarum (the more severe version of morning sickness).

To add to that I’ve managed to very quickly loose about 2kg in the last week or so which under normal circumstances would be great (as I’ve been gently losing weight since July last year), but I have been a bit worried under the current circumstances. A quick google tells me it’s pretty normal and doctors don’t normally concern themselves with it which is good news, but I still feel nervous about the combination of the nausea, vomiting and weightloss.

Something more fun!

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Something we’ve decided to do is take bets on lots of things related to the baby. I did consider for one brief moment trying to handle it like a professional betting shop, but then remembered my terrifying experiences at the horse racing with friends, having to ask how to actually bet and what the odds meant…..

Instead, we’re thinking SWEEPSTAKE– lots of little bets related to the baby and the pregnancy. So far we’ve thought of:

-baby’s gender (we don’t plan to find out)
-baby’s weight
-baby’s birth date
-baby’s name
(we’re keeping quiet)
-Mummy’s tummy circumference
-Mummy’s weight gain
(I’m not sensitive to these things!)

Can you think of any more?

It would be nice to have a whole list of things that people can put 50p or £1 on. The idea would be that each category would be recorded separately and the profits would be split 50:50 with the winner and baby’s first bank account. I think this is a great way of bringing in friends who aren’t so excited about babies (to put it mildly) and hopefully should be fun too unless I put on loads of weight and hate myself!.


Thank you Humour Devil.com

Shopping

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Today I went food shopping.

Food shopping with morning sickness is a new adventure really. I’m lucky in as much as nothing specific sets me off, and I haven’t gone off any previously favourite foods (though the thought on a gin and tonic turns my tummy!). However, it was a mission in picking-up-things-that-I-thought-I-could-fancy-sometime.

So what did I buy?
-milk
-non alocoholic ginger beer
-a box of magnum infinity caramel (incidently, these are disgusting!)
-fresh seafood (which I will cook very diligently before eating)
-Kingsmill 50/50 bread (the thought of white bread and brown bread both currently repulsive)
-two small bottles of diet pepsi (after a lifetime of saying I can’t tell the different between pepsi/coke/diet coke/ pepsi max, I now only like diet pepsi it seems…..)
-haribo tangfastic “chicks” (don’t ask)
-chilli and lime cheese
-cheesy cracker mix
-Glamour magazine

Hm. Not sure that counts as a healthy diet, but luckily all advice in the first trimester says to eat what you feel like (within reason) as your priority is to ensure you can eat something at least.

I’m sure any second now I’ll stop talking about sickness.

Probably.

Smelling life

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Pregnancy has given me a whole new set of skills, mostly based around my olfactory functions. I’ve always had a keen sense of smell (not always a blessing), but this has been drastically heightened this week. I am thinking of using my new sense of smell to fuel a career change, and came up with the following:

-sniffer dog at customs
-a teacher (I can smell cigarette smoke from 50 paces)
-mum (soap and toothpaste are utterly overpowering)

This week I have been working very hard to put a positive spin on things. Husband and I are very excited about this pregnancy, but it’s very hard to feel chipper when all you can think of from when you wake up to when you fall asleep is how disgustingly sick you feel. Especially when you have to work a demanding job and travel for work when trying desperately hard to hide your pregnancy until the 12 week scan.

This week I found train travel to be the most unpleasant way to spend time when in the pits of morning sickness. How I didn’t vomit on anyone whilst crammed onto a commuter train on Friday morning- I have no idea. Luckily I got a seat for all the bits of journey- but the 5 hours round trip was not appreciated. And what’s worse is having to do it all again next week.

I am quite proud of myself today as I have got up and achieved something (admittedly in the short 10 minute lull of feeling human after forcing down two buttered crumpets). Now I’m off for the hottest shower I can stand to wash the blues away….

Evening!

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To mirror the last post- good evening!

My biggest achievement so far today is still being up right now- at a whopping 9:07pm. Doesn’t sound particularly impressive but I’m so busy working my way through all the symptoms in the book, I’m too tired. And in fact too tired to sleep some nights, which is awesomely fun! I’m starting to sympathise with babies that scream and cry whilst their parents, pulling out their hair, are (internally) yelling “Go to sleep! You’re tired, that’s why you’re crying!”

This evening I have:

-washed up (from last night- slobs!)

-eaten the yummy home made dinner (husband made last night and re-heated tonight)

-nibbled on a yoghurt to try to ease the queasy-ness

-had a hot bath

Now, that’s the height of an exciting life-style eh?

I am trying extremely hard not to complain as I know there are thousands of women out there who would desperately love the security of feeling pregnancy symptoms. And therein lies the “Elephant in the Room” (what a cringeworthy phrase)- the possible problems with pregnancy.

Each conversation about the future has to start with the caveat “Providing all goes well…”. Each thought about our plans for the next 8 months has to come with a level headed attitude towards the realistic (if small) possibility that something can go wrong, and it’s important to be well informed.

One of the first things we did at almost-5-weeks-pregnant was to Buy A Book. I got lost in Waterstones Pregnancy department and the husband found me surrounded by books. We struck off any that “didn’t have pictures” or were “to hippy” and I ende dup left with “Zita Wests “Your Pregnancy Companion”.

I’m not 100% sure if it was actually the *best* book I could buy- I bought it in a bit of a panic, filled with worry that we’d see someone we knew in the book shop and they’d find out our secret. It makes a worryingly large number of references to homeopathy– but I suppose if there’s any time a person might turn to alternative medicine, it will likely be when they’re unable to take conventional drugs due to the risks to the foetus. It’s still absolute bunk, but I can skip those bits. Obviously there’s lots of reference to health and yoga and some meditation which I can handle!

To ensure the husband didn’t feel left out, we bought him Pregnancy for Men: The whole 9 months.

Now *this* is a book! It’s hillarious, silly, serious, informative and totally readable. Once I’d skim read all 380 pages (yes really) of my slightly boring and clinical tome, I nicked this one from him. It’s a very good read, and I’d recommend  all dads-to-be to get hold of a copy (if not just so that the mums-to-be can read it too!).

We now feel pretty clued up on at least the first trimester and know what we can possibly expect- the good the bad and the ugly.

MORNING!

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I say “morning” you see- but what I really mean is afternoon. I could say what I mean, but to be honest it seems it’s much more fun to choose a time of day, allocate an attribute to it and then spread the myth!

Huh? Yes, I’m talking about “morning” sickness! Today is the first time that I have experienced morning sickness, despite the fact that I’ve been feeling nauseous for 4 days. That’s right, “morning” sickness can happen at any time of day and isn’t by any stretch of the imagination limited to just the morning.

The bonus I’d imagine, is that I haven’t actually been sick, just an overwhelming feeling of sickness that takes my breath away and leaves me wanting to curl up on the floor. Only problem is that curling up on the floor doesn’t seem to fix it. Eating crumpets on the other hand, does seem to fix it…. but one can’t be doing that all day!

So, it looks like I really really am pregnant. Which is terrifying really. Husband and I haven’t told anyone yet as we’re trying to be discreet until we’ve reached that all important 12 week scan. Whilst I realise that after the scan there are no guarantees that everything will be plain sailing, we’ll be past that initial threat of the  “First Trimester” which is when the baby is at the highest risk. I’m not sure I’m confident calling it a “baby” yet- it’s really just a bunch of cells the size of a grain of rice- but it’s amazing what the invisible changes inside your body are doing really.

What’s hardest is keeping the gob shut about it all. Obviously my lifestyle has had to change considerably in the last few weeks, but then I’ve been making these small changes ever since August 2011, when we first decided to try for a baby. That was a really  long time ago. I was using the depo-provera contracteption injection for about 18 months, as the thought of having a family seemed like a really long way away. After some discussions, we decided that financially it might be time to start trying as it may take a while, and so I stopped the injection.  We were aware that conception could take a while after coming off the depo injection, but we hadn’t quite been prepared for how long it took.  Whilst waiting, I had an accident with an irritating long-term injury which meant we did start to put things on hold a bit, but (if you see the distinction) rather than trying to conceive, we just weren’t trying not to conceive!

16 months later,  I decided to take a (slightly) early pregnancy test.  We had guests staying later in the week and I was hopeful that there might be a postive test. There wasn’t- but I came down with a crappy cold and figured that I could blame the tiredness etc on that. At the end of the weekend, I was still feeling ropey, so when the husband did the food shop, I asked him to pick up another test.

Whilst he cooked dinner, I got the test out of the way.

Or so I thought. Showed husband. Cried. Was speechless.

The day after, I had another go. Still positive.

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I’ll continue the story later……